Marco van Basten is semi-affectionally known as the pancake. Primarily because he won everything in his career and then all of a sudden he couldn't even win the Micky-Mouse Dutch league. This is a bit like ACC4 on tour but only reverse. A reverse pancake if you will, like the reverse sweep, reverse dotball and reverse hattrick (check with big lad if you are unfamiliar with the latter two). This is because ACC4 hardly ever wins anything on tour (they don't win too much at home either) but all of a sudden there was THAT DAY! August 1 2009®. The day our fortunes did a reverse wrongone coming back in and turning the other way frog leap into the history books. ACC4 started winning!

Probably one of the things that we did different than usual was actually think about it beforehand. We had Marvin as skipper, and Marvin was a man with a plan. We wondered why he had started thinking about his plan two days beforehand, but that became perfectly clear when he showed up on the morning of THAT DAY! August 1st 2009®, for he had been up to drink with an old mate in Manchester and when he arrived he looked like something the cat had brought in, and then thrown out again in disgust. In fact all he lacked was a black-eye for it to be the perfect hangover and to win the coverposition of the ACC4 hangover calander, but hey things were never perfect. Although.... Today was THAT DAY! August 1st 2009® and things were to be perfect but we just didn't know it yet. Perfection was hanging in the air waiting to embrace us in a bearhug, complete with a blackeye and everything else you might associate with perfection.  So we accepted Marvin's state along with the rain as we ventured out towards North-Moreton (not to be confused with South Moreton which is in fact very near but is less drenched in perfection as North Moreton was on THAT DAY! August 1st 2009®)

Now all of Oxfordshire was blanketed in English rain. All of Oxfordshire? Nay, one small village just north of South Moreton was being looked after by the on-duty perfection guardians in the air, and we were a bit astonished when we drove into what seemed to be the prettiest quintessential English village in England to see that the cricketfield on the commons behind the free house The Bear was indeed populated by chaps dressed in white chasing the leather. They were playing! The backgardens of half the village made up two sides of the boundary,  the cutest of pavilions (that was yet to be the scene of tearful moments that would send shivers down the spine of everyone but Marco van Basten, in fact even him as well) awaited us and the backgarden of the Bear had been turned into a real ale and real cider festival ground. It was sheer heaven waiting for 11 more lads to come and populate it, and lo and behold, we just happened to arrive at that very moment. The perfection liason officer in the sky had probably been napping when the other teams arrived and with a sudden start he saw us come in and in trying to make up for his slackness unloaded all his spare perfection on us. Music, light and twirling birds surrounded us as we walked along the boundary towards the 7 other teams of this six-a-side tournament. To be fair it was big lad humming a drinking song, Le Guy trying to light his thinly rolled cigarette in the rain and the ducks slung around three players neck who got nought the day before. But Music, Light and Twirling birds are always there if you are willing to see them, or failing that create them yourselves, as proceedings will show.

Our first game was kindly scheduled late to allow us to take the pictures for the 2010 hangover calendar and when we started our first game we had even had time to allow the rules of this format to sink in: 5 overs of play, one over per bowler, and batters have to rotate in the group matches, in the sense that they have to bat 1 or 2 in one game 3 or 4 in the other and 5 or 6 in yet the other game. They have to retire at 25 and are allowed back in. We were using the left most strip of the square looking down from the Bears backyard and that meant that on one side the leg boundary was so short that the Squarelegumpire was almost standing on the rope. Marvin looked up what he had thought out days before for this very circumstance and played a Mastermove: He let Tim Lewis open. Now you need to know that our Smithers  has only two shots. A defensive one and an attacking one. As a defensive shot he plays the cross batted forward defensive swipe to the leg boundary and as an attacking shot: well.... its the same shot really. Now normally it takes an opposition a couple of deliveries to figure him out and bowl a yorker after which it is all over, but with this boundary and every bowler getting only one over he could be retired before that happens. Timmmeee hits the first ball for six and the second for four and everyone turns to Marvin whose consistent lack of a black eye makes them quickly look away again, but nevertheless the man with a plan gets credit for this special opening that is now being copied in the chessworld as the Smithers Special which involves getting your bishop to the left of the board, what Timmeee has in common with bishops has something to do with his reading material on the plane but there seems hardly enough space here to deviate from our main storyline long enough to indulge in that part of this tale.

So we win our first game which is against Moreton, We then play the footballers, who are the footballmates of Jonny, one of the lads of the Bear. Their keeper plays without pads, we think to be more agile with all that extra space in a six-a-side, not so. He likes to feel the ball. What's the use of being alive and playing cricket if you can't feel it he seems to say as he heads the ball onto the stumps in a stumping attempt. Marvin eyes him enviously thinking this may be a way of getting a black-eye, but no he senses that his team would not allow him to wicketkeep so he has to keep on thinking about an alternative. His moment of opportunity arises when it is our turn to field against the hard as nail-footballers. 'If I'm not allowed to keep I can at least put myself on the legside boundary and then just wait for a hard one hit straight at me,' he must have thought. But it doesn't work. It's hard to get your eye to the ground where you are standing, the ground is too straight and everything through the air goes for six anyway. But during a fielding change he notices that the ground isnt even everywhere, there is a slight rise. If he can get the batsman to hit one there... Put it on middle stump he orders the surpised bowler who for once in his life shows the control required for such a deliberate act, and indeed the ball is smashed towards the boundary, Marvin dives, putting his eye just above the rise, and at last he has his shiner. Relieved his teammates can look at him again and he even starts getting notices from other people at the ground with offers of ice and a towel.  But his eyebutting of the ball has put the headbutting wickie of the footballers in a competitive state of mind and he decides to bat without a bat.....
No that actually never happened, but at any case the Footballers didn't score enough runs and ACC4 had won two in a row.

Our third game was skippered by Cuddles aka the older brother Wolfe and in the streaming rain (the perfection gods wanted to test our mettle) he combined with his younger brother in the last over for the first  double figure  over that match to reach a miserly 43. Caveman aka Freddie aka Jan Willem Beuker bowled their Skipper and great keeping of Hasrat doubling as a turkish mudwrestler (for their grasspitch was determined to change its name) actually made it enough. No-one had thought that. But we had won three games in a row. and the betting on the tournament winner in the festival tent of the Bear showed  frantic scenes as the crowd argued about who these outsiders were and wether they stood a chance against the wiley Wizards from Wimbeldon or the hometeam from the Bear who were unbeaten.  Some people started to consider Amsterdam until the news broke out that Marvin was missing. The poor people who had already put money on Amsterdam went wild. After much frantic hunting the punters found him in the van, he had stepped in to admire his eye in the rearvision mirror and made the mistake of closing both eyes at once. When people realised that he had actually caught an hours sleep, the odds raced up. But wait. The semi-finals:  against the best dressed team, the team with real cricketshots, and every shot in the book, the Wonderful Wizards from Wimbeldon. Surely that would be one bridge too far...

The Semis (or the most exciting cricketgame ever played)

Having batted first 3 times and won all 3 games, Marvin decided to field first and predictably it changed the result. You can't win them all, we realise that, but still lets not get ahead of ourselves... what happened... Well up till then we had won with 57, won with 63 and even won with 43, but when our bowling went for 66 in 5 overs you could tell by the body language that the belief in a good outcome had seeped out of us together with the rain that had finallly stopped. But the hours sleep had done Marvin's brain some good, and he had made a tough decision right before the game. Historically the older Wolfe brother scores the runs and the younger brother entertains us in all possible ways. But in that one over of the 3rd match that was the only double figure over of that game, Richard had hit a six and Robert had only hit a four. Could this be the tilting of the scales, could intersibling rivalry add an edge to our batting lineup. It could, only...  how to tell Robert he was dropped? For he had made such a fuss when he was put in to bat eleven by nevereverskipperagain J. The Gimp on the first day. About then the gods intervened. Alright said the senior perfection manager, drop the barrel.
No shouted the other gods, not that.
He's right,said the perfection liason officer, it is the only thing that will do the trick.
And so fell from the sky, one barrel of the perfect cider. Cheddar Valley, in the colour of the dutch national team. After Robert tasted one sip of the heavenly nectar he rejoiced in the opportunity to sit out this semifinal and nurse perfection from glass to mouth.
Meanwhile a complete other state of perfection had been reached, namely that the Billy Connolly (famous standup comedian ed.) who lives inside Big Lad, (there is a lot of room inside the Big Lad, one day you should have a look to see who else boards there) had reached out and grabbed the commentators microphone. These chaps were only glad to make space for another contributor to the days fun and so Mr Matchett was allowed to commentate ball-by-ball on the days proceedings. What happened then is truly incredible. Touts started selling tickets on the village border. Not for the cricket mind you, but for the standup comedian who lives inside Mr Matchett. Babysitter prices in nearby villages rocketed as word got out and soon the entire Oxfordshire county flocked to North-Moreton for this momentous occasion.

But back to the game. 66 runs in 5 is a lot. However, slowly ACC4 regained a bit of the faith in themselves, if only a recordscore can win this game a record shall be chased. Alas it was not to be. But what an effort though. What a great effort. Marvin hit his first boundary of the day, who says you cant judge length with one eye. Richard Matchett hit a 6 to the long boundary with Richard Wolfe's bat, 'hang on its not the bat', our kid muttered and went in to play the innings of a life time. In fact we got very close. So close in fact that we only needed 3 off 3 balls. They run a two. One run off two balls. Lets be smart thinks Our Kid, no need to play tip and run style crazy cricket, we can go back to normal cricket thinking.
What?
Even the the perfection liasion officer in the sky had to lean over to get a look at this. I thought normally you guys were sh....
Bruce is ran out backing up as Our Kid turns down a single.
 All hell broke loose.  A tie. A tie. A tie. So as everybody ran onto the field as headless chickens (Cheddar Valley is headly stuff). What to do, what to do? Bowlout? Coin toss? Best hangover foto? The regulations are dragged in to settle the fisticuffs that are starting around the county, it is there in clear print. A Nelson over. A one over match played by someone with one eye, one arm and one leg.
And we finally understand the Masterstroke of getting Marvin to be the one eyed person among us. His bat is so heavy it basically puts one arm out of practice. And he was recovering from being legless and was halfway there so he qualified.

The Nelson over
To be fair I cant remember much of that one over match, because I was too afraid to draw breath, worried that it may disrupt the equilibrium in the air and cause unduly swing. I think we allowed 8 so needed 9. The only memory I have I'm sure about is the sound of the last ball Marvin hit crashing into the fence of the lovely country house on the corner. I then have a vague recollection of the entire team being swamped by punters from as far as Lincolnshire, TMS having vacated the ashes (washout) fought the other radiostations to get the first reactions, there was general and genuine disbelief on the faces of the players, the fans, the management. What had just happened? Amsterdam were in the final!!!!!!

The Final
I wish I could tell you more about the final. What it comes down to is that when miracles start happening and players have nothing to lose, the impossible becomes plausible. Peace in Middle East, new knees for Freddie Flintoff and a drugfree tour de france all of a sudden seemed natural and obtainable targets to aim for. The Amsterdammers took on the undefeated Bear, the hosts of the festival, the hometeam. Betting took on such a frenzy that the chancellor of the exchequer drove over to see why the economy appeared to be completely revived in one small corner of the country. Publishers were putting bids on the rights to our story even before the end of the first innings. I don't remember the scores, but someone took pictures of the scorebook so one day they will be added here. But the trophy, a golden barrel with a bear that was not filled with Cheddar Valley for that was a one time gift from the perfection mongers above, but with whiskey, was eventually put into Dutch hands. We won the whole thing. It was unbelievable, and it will be unforgettable for as long as we can remember. We'll bring back the trophy next year, we may have to fill it with something for it is a bit empty now. Celebrations need not be described, rests to say that the next day ACC4 lost to Moreton CC by more than a 100 runs. 

THAT DAY! August 1 2009® was over.

 

 

 Here's some of the lads drinking Cheddar Valley

 

 

 

 

 

 

actually if you want to know the correct and actual runtotals:

MORETON BEER & CRICKET FESTIVAL – Six A Side Tournament, 1st August 2009 – Results:

 

 

Grizzly Bears                            32                            Footballers                            28

 

Blewbury                            67                            Inter Allsorts                            66

 

Grizzly Bears                            33                            Sutton Courtney              32

 

Moreton                            46                            Inter Allsorts                            30

 

Wimbledon Wizards              50                            Sutton Courtney              32

 

Amsterdam                            57                            Moreton                            42

 

Wimbledon Wizards              58                            Footballers                            36

 

Amsterdam                            63                            Inter Allsorts                            21

 

Sutton Courtney              23                            Footballers                            24

 

Blewbury                            65                            Moreton                            64

 

Wimbledon Wizards              18                            Grizzly Bears                            19

 

Amsterdam                            43                            Blewbury                            39

 

 

Semi final 1:

 

Grizzly Bears                            57                            Blewbury                            42

 

Semi final 2:

 

Amsterdam                            66                            Wimbledon Wizards   66

One over play off:

Wimbledon Wizards                8                            Amsterdam                             10

 

 

Final:

 

Amsterdam                            39                            Grizzly Bears                            36