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Anonymous match report despite Zomi beating VCC on ground 3

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[by Zomioot] The odds of being caught on camera at ACC usually are slim. The action regularly outpaces the speed of the average whatsapp wielding cricket aficionado, and with a little agility, it will prove possible to escape the paparazzi during the third innings.

Not so, however, when playing on field 3. Although some confusion arose whether a game would be played against VCC at all (no lunch was applied for, the city council had closed off the gates), a band of cricketers managed to pierce the defenses of RAP football club, and set off for a lovely game of cricket. Unfortunately, they were caught on camera! Not only by an aspiring groundsman with pre-Covid cinematic credentials, but also by the watchful eye of a certain senior citizen associated to RAP footballing club, whose 20-20 laser vision CC TV spotted several occasions of threatening irreparable damage to the sturdy looking grass of field 3.


Hence, ACC Zomi match was suspended twice by visiting RAP storm troopers, who were called upon by said senior citizen, whose last goal in life appears to be the internet variety of Nosey Neighbours. Due to the threatening nature of the surveillance and its possible legal consequences, all individuals mentioned in the report below will be anonymized; any likeness to well-known ACC members is thus completely accidental.


Aerial bowling

After being able to enter the premises, chairs and table were installed, our glorious captain lost the toss, and we set off for the mat, which could best be characterized by 60-grit sandpaper. ACC’s captain decided to start with his second-worst slow bowler, whose legendary sixes in last overs were discussed elsewhere. His aerial bowling lured VCC batsman #2 out of his crease, yet managed to deceive his accuracy, allowing the formerly black-masked keeper to take his wicket by a stumping. Barely in, his successor was forced to serve his wicked on a teaspoon to a batsman, recently diagnosed with the rare sacculophobia, who dutifully caught the ball.


The alternating fast bowler, rumored to be of Tim Robbins jailbreaking movie fame, excelled with brilliant deliveries but was unfortunately not rewarded. VCC’s opening batsman proved more resilient than his higher-order colleagues. Redemption was there, when, after running out two of his further team mates, a sweeping LBW was awarded. The innings was played: further wickets by a bridge keeper’s son, the anti-Louis-Vuitton, and by Tata’s pawn at ACC. All VCC players were out for 77 in 26 overs, time for lunch.


Easy batting

Batting would be easy, and first sent out were Tom Selleck Jr with the wicket keeper at his side. The latter was easily dismissed LBW by the ACC umpire, who appeared not to be aware of the pitching outside leg rule. The next, semi-Horinese, partnership quickly ended with a catch before the Lbw loving ump struck again, this time at the expense of the recently graduated 50-up bowling-apprentice. As the required run rate of 2.2 an over (interpreted by the second-worst cricket pundit to be valued at 4.4 an over) was barely met, the captain deemed it time to take matters in hand. With a few shots assisting Tom Selleck Jr get to 11111112214222341 (one wonders how scorers can sleep, when lacking the ambition to even sum a batsman’s runs and note them in the score book) finishing the game off with a powerful 4-6.

The third innings were a joy for everybody, and it was rumored that the Club lives.....